Helping Without Pushing
Helping without pushing is hard to do, isn’t it? This is because many of us are recovering from a lifetime of putting others before ourselves and neglecting ourselves. How many of you have heard the words ‘take care of yourself more’ or ‘put yourself first for once’? I know it’s been way too many times for me. But I keep plugging on, staying aware and working toward balance.
And it’s balance that is lacking when we try to help someone who either isn’t ready to be helped, or isn’t supposed to be helped. Wow, that sounds harsh to say but there is truth behind it. Think of helping someone as moving them forward on their life path. What if, just by chance, helping someone moves them forward on that path faster than they should move forward?
Faster is Not Always Better
At first one thinks, yes, faster is better. But that isn’t always the case. Look back in your life to the times that you were stuck and holding still. If you were to have gotten out of that situation and moved forward quicker than you did, what would you have missed? We are all here to experience life and life is not just the lovely, beautiful stuff. It’s also the messy stuff. The uncomfortable stuff. The stuff that sticks with us over the years to remind us that we never want to be in that situation again.
Here is an Example
Let’s say a friend of yours just got a new job. You then hear from a former employee of that company that employees only last a few months and are fired on a regular basis. Do you say nothing? Or do you demand your friend quit and look for another job (as you frantically pack their desk into a box)?
Neither. You meet your friend in the middle by telling them the rumor you heard, talking to them about their thoughts and feelings about their new job, and supporting their decisions.
It’s the middle ground that allows for the best possible outcome and allows for all people involved to be able to experience on their path what they came here to experience. Maybe they will not get fired. Maybe they will. Either way, it’s their path and helping is best done by listening and supporting without making decisions for people. Be a loving witness and offer to bring the box to pack up their desk when they are ready, not when you are ready.
Simply love them.
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